So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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