After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize