I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
