Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
