I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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