is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
