I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
