lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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