Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize