Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.

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(713): View more from Texas

you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.

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(415): View more from California

the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..

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(443): View more from Maryland

Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?

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(480): View more from Arizona

You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"

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(076): View more from

He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.

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(949): View more from California

We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death

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