i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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