That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
