You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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