the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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