I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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