sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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