Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
