I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
