I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
