make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
