soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
