Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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