im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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