I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
