No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize