Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
