hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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