Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize