I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
