Too much gin, very little bucket
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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