If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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