We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
