Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
