Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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