we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So apparently I’m into choking now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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