i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
