Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
