i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
