somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
