Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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