Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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