Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
