I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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