You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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