She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
