Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
