do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize