I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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