how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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