Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
