Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You may now shotgun with the bride
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
