i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
