You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
