I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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