we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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