My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
