i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
