I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize