Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
birth control should be required to get into college
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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