Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
