When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
