So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
