Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
