They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
