Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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