Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
