scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
