I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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