you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
