How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
