My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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