Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize