I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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