Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
