I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
