I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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