It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
smell my finger.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
