My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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