i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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