Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
