Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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