its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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