you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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