I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
