I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
