Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
