Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize