why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
