32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize