Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
