the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
