I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
