Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize