please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
