DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she smelled like a LAN party
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
