i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
