Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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