how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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