So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize