I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
