Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
