the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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