absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I looked at my own cervix.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
