there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
