I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
