Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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