i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
