you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize