Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
