I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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