wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
