I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize